4 Years Later...

I had the blessing to spend the entire day with one of my fellow crushes.

She has been a never ending blessing and curse throughout my coming-of-age. As the confusion grew for my identity, she has exponentially contributed to the issue. I was insanely jealous of all her close friends when I moved to the school, and over a year I was attempting to be best friends with her. At the time, I thought it was just to be her closest friend. But I wondered- why did I want to be her closest friend? And why was upset when she showed interest in other girls?

Either I was an insanely possessive girl, or had a big-time girl crush.

And not the girl-crushes straight girls get.

I realised I was only associating to her friends because they had known my crush for a long time and were well-established with her. I decided to switch groups. From this time forward, I had time to catch up and continue my "self identity" phase (lot's of fashion errors and regrettable stories for another time).

True, there was porn and other people in real life where I would be solely interested in the women. I didn't think anything of it for a long time. After 2 years, I was enlightened. I also call my enlightenment my "let's just act as gay as possible and see people's reaction's".

To my mother's horror, I certainly feel more comfortable in men's clothes. I'm not genderqueer or anything of the sort, but some things like don't make me loathe who I am but embracing it enough to appreciate it and just smile.

I got to see Rocky Horror with her for 4 hours, and spend the 8 hours exploring the city day to night with her. It was beautifully filled with innocent beginnings to the hopes of my long waited dreams. RHPS is practically the gay anthem of all time. I was thrilled when she pointed out the lesbian couple and kept on making sly comments on... well.... their sexual-esque.

wish me the best as for I do for you all,

the other one