We're Going Down

Hello, my readers.

Thank you for even making it this far.

Since I've last updated, not much has happened. I'm on holidays, however everyday is spent studying. If I don't study, I feel guilty. I never get to relax. I've been dying for my break and yet it's finally come and I'm as anxious as ever. In result, I'm so, very tired.

Things I want but can't do:

  • catch up on the 19 books I'm behind in my Goodreads challenge
  • watch Juno, Moulin Rouge, and all of Season 1 of Shadowhunters
  • re-activate my fanpage on IG, and make some edits for it
  • write more for my story on Wattpad, which I haven't been able to update in almost a year (how???)

However, I must study 5-6hrs a day. I've only managed to study 2 of 3 days, and one of those days I only did 3 hours. It's so long and strenuous. Part of me wishes I collated my notes earlier though I know I had no time back then. 

So that's it for me complaining about school. 

Now for social stuff.

I blocked Facebook on my computer. I'm sick of constantly checking to see if my friends reply-- which they don't, by the way. It's made me quite embarrassed as they all read the message and I'm just waiting like an idiot. But they literally never respond. So I'm done with that embarrassment and if they want to contact me for now on, they'll have to text me. It really hurts my feelings when they do this. I've brought it up with them last Friday, and they all went "Nooo, no, we reply! Promise!". Ugh. 

I've watched all of OITNB. That made me cry. 

I finished my 6 therapy sessions with my psychologist. She thinks I still need to go and has asked my doctor for more sessions. I just have to see my doctor before the next session. I was planning on going healthy this month, but anytime I feel crap I eat chocolate. It's also raining and I live in a floodplain so that aint happenin'. 

Family life is still the everlasting struggle. My mother was yelling at me to 12:30am last night. I almost stayed up reading to make myself feel better but I knew that wouldn't help when I need to study later on. She's invited me to go to a chocolate bar today, and my brother asked, "Are we going? Or is she going too?" When he found out I was, I felt like utter crap. I haven't had one of those encounters in a while. To be honest, the only reason I'm going is because the librarians brought Percy Jackson over to the library that's situated right next to the chocolate bar, and it's due to arrive today. Hopefully I'll read that and end my reading slump. I may need a few days just to read and feel better before I go on studying. All of it is too exhausting and frankly I'm turning to the edge of suicidal times. (yay) 

the other one